Rotational dating, an ideology espoused by Patti Stanger (the Millionaire Matchmaker) and many others often gets a bad rap even in this modern dating world when used by women. There are many names for it (i.e. multiple dating), but essentially the concept is the name. Date multiple people at the same time without investing in one until one appears as the clear winner. Patti Stanger believes you should always keep a “pair and a spare,” date three men at the same time. Some other dating coaches have specific delineations on how these men should be/what they mean to you. Others like Matthew Hussey and Mark Rosenfeld don’t have a magic number and believe women should just date until solid offer of exclusivity is put on the table. Either way, rotational dating makes it easy to have a mindset of abundance. In dating (and life), having this mindset is key. It’s the thing that will keep you going and out of worry-mode when one of your suitors does not work out.
Some life coaches believe in a drastic elimination strategy. I was just speaking to a Tony Robbins-certified life coach the other day and he believes that if the person is not your soulmate, you should eliminate them immediately because they are a waste of your time. I for one believe that those that are not our soulmates still have much to offer us as far as growth goes. So, I tend to favor a less drastic elimination strategy. If you like them and find they contribute to your personal growth in some way (i.e. providing positivity, intellectual stimulation, etc.), then throw them into the rotation.
Rotational dating sounds great in theory but is harder than you would think to master in this day and age. I could easily rotate three men when I was in my 20s (pre-dating apps). Now, the whole dating cycle is a lot faster, so even if you can find three guys you like to date, you may soon be replacing all of them before the month is up. Having spent 6 months since my separation/divorce rotationally dating, these are my rules/tips on how to be a dating superstar.
- Try not to sleep with anyone until there is a clear winner. If you absolutely must have sex, then keep it to one guy.
- Never, ever, ever cancel a date with a guy for another one. This is the genius of rotational dating. It communicates that you are a busy bee to interested men, and they can’t have you at will.
- Take up other hobbies in addition to dating. Dating, although fun, is not a hobby in itself. Plus, when one guy asks how your week went, you want to have more to talk about than just your dates with other men. 😉
- Keep a positive yet outlook. The likelihood is that none of these men will work out. That’s not a bad thing since you’re learning about want you want and what you don’t want without getting overly invested.
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